By Christopher Blakeley
The tragedies of the past couple of years have forced us to take a good look inward at our own social conscience. As Americans, we live under the assumption that our lives are safe, our rights protected, and that we can walk around with the peace of mind that we will not be under threat from a hammer attack. But it appears our safety is nothing but an illusion. Annual FBI crime statistics show that more people are killed by hammers and clubs than by shotguns and rifles. In order for our society to be safe, we must stop the harbingers of mass destruction that have perpetuated the idea that sledgehammers are acceptable. We must end the idolization of people like Gallagher, Thor, and Mario the Plumber; and until we do this, the safety of all Americans is at stake.
The word “sledgehammer” came from the Anglo Saxon, “slaegan,” which means “to strike violently.” Given its etymology, there are logical and physical reasons why we should ban sledgehammers. A traditional nail hammer handle has a length of 13 to 18 inches, and has a head that ranges in weight from .63 to 2 lbs. A sledgehammer expands this to a destructive 1.8 to over 3 feet long, with a the head weighing anywhere from 10 to 20 lbs.
Because the handle of the sledgehammer is longer, it is inherently more dangerous. In order to make it more in line with the nail hammer, we should set the handle to an arbitrary 1.25 feet to prevent the inertia of swinging the hammer from being as strong. There should be no attached parts like grips on the hammer. As another safeguard, only construction workers who have no history of mental illness should be able to wield these hammers.
But these steps are not enough. We must get to the cultural root of the violence, which becomes highly sensationalized in the American media while rates consistently decline.
Historically, Gallagher, whose real name is Leo Anthony Gallagher, has been nothing more than the Kermit Gosnell of watermelons. He has shown his hatred of the fruit and his support for the aggressive use of hammers over his entire 40-year career. His act has systematically murdered over 63,000 watermelons in a grotesque display of carnage that knows no restraint, inspiring generations of Americans to smash the fruit on a summer day in their driveway. This must be stopped. Gallagher is an example of everything that is wrong with our society.